I am habitually a procrastinator. I like to jump on things, I do... at least in theory. I have ideas. I make lists. I plan ahead. And then I realize half of the things that should already be done, aren't.
And also? When I find a place, a rhythm that I sink into and each step feels less like a step and more of a sway... I like it. I want to stay.
When I was pregnant with each of my beautiful children, with the one that made me a mama, and our joyful baby boy, I wanted to delay the birth. Well, with our first, she came early and there wasn't anything I could do about it. But even then, at three weeks before the day we'd planned, it was much too soon for me and I could've gone longer, generously longer. I didn't want to break out of the sweet melody we'd created with each other, me loving her from the outside, her from the inside. With our second born, we went two weeks past our original due date. TWO WEEKS. Yet still? A part of me could've stayed in that rhythm forever.
The point, I always get excited for the fresh new slate a new year brings. The knowing that we have a full year to write whatever story we want, to get up and do something, learn something, be something. There is a brand new melody in us just waiting to be written. And yet? Here's the yet... there's a part of me that likes this one, that doesn't feel ready. But isn't it always like that? On the curve of change comes the effort in getting there, the mistakes in reaching and the struggles in attaining something good. And sometimes that just scares me.
So I'm going to indulge in one more day, maybe two, of here. Yes, the Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum music has been filed away 'till next year, though a pretty tree still makes itself known with sparkly lights here and there, and yes, I've already been making lists, reflecting on some old ones and setting my sights high... but I've been doing most of it with lots of snuggles and hugs, and a couple of naps, on the couch with my littles whose early and late entrances into our lives has set the tone for their own.
Change is good, but here? Here is pretty good too.
I'll be back Sunday, or more likely sometime on Saturday, for a special New Year's post, and a LINKY for yours... I'd love it if you joined.